Have The Hard Conversations

Who read that and instantly thought of a conversation they have been putting off? 😅🙋🏽‍♀️

This came to mind after recording episode 5 of mine and my sisters podcast 'Talk Tovey To Me'.

Communication is 🔑 to ALL relationships! Often people put off these uncomfortable conversations because they are afraid that it will have a negative impact on the relationship, not realising that NOT having them will be WORSE down the track!

So I want to share a few of my tips to become more confident doing so. (The catch is, the more you practice this, the less you’ll need to have over all because you will both be on the same page.) Begin from a place of curiosity and respect, rather than defence. It’s always you two vs the problem, not you vs them! And remember that if you feel like they are coming off defensive, they are usually projecting their own insecurities. Focus on what you’re hearing, not what you’re saying. Although it might feel like useful preparation, ruminating over what to say can hijack your mind for the entire day or week/s leading up to it! It’s rare for a conversation to go as you planned anyway so save yourself the stress and be attentive - it will encourage the other person to give more detail. For every statement the other person makes, mirror back what they’ve said, to validate that you understand them correctly. Your genuine attention and neutrality encourage people to elaborate. Be direct. Address uncomfortable situations head-on by getting right to the point. It might feel easier at the time to beat around the bush, but you’ll likely not end up resolving the issue and will land yourself in the same situation soon after. Note* if the person you are talking with seems to not be picking up on what you are saying, ask them to repeat their understanding of what you’ve shared. Expect a positive outcome. You’ll struggle to follow this advice if you continue to go into a conflict telling yourself, “This is going to be a disaster.” Instead, tell yourself, “This will result in an improved relationship.”

Like I said at the start, focus on the long-term gains that the conversation will create for the relationship.